to all of those i’ve loved before

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To all of those I’ve loved before.

Thank you.

Most of you I don’t keep in contact with. Staying friends with someone I used to know has never been easy for me. So I apologize for that.

But I did want to say thank you.

You saw something in me that I never saw in myself.

You liked me.

You see. For the longest time, I didn’t like myself. And if we’re going to be real here, I’m still not there yet. Maybe it’s an artist thing. Maybe it’s a kid-with-daddy-issues or bad-childhood thing. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t come easy for me. It’s something I’m working on. It’s something I’m in therapy for. It’s something I’ll battle till the day they throw my coffee grinds in the ocean (screw being in the ground for eternity, my heart has always been the water).

But I’m getting there.

And you helped me.

Not that things were ever perfect. But every vintage camera you showed me that used to belong to your dad. Every shoulder you let me lay my head on in a subway car on the ride back to Silver Springs. Every roof top climbed while hoping the pizza place didn’t see us snaking through the hole in the ceiling of their establishment (and they didn’t).

Every football field and ocean view and love gone wrong.

Helped me me realize the best things in life are other humans.

And I fall into the human category.

So thank you for that.

Know you’re never far from my heart. And know you’re also a big reason why I’m drawn to my first love: music. Many of the songs I hear have memories tied to someone I love. And every time I hear one, no matter where the venue is or where I am in the crowd, you’re right there with me.

I’ll see you soon then.

And thank you. From the bottom of my ragged, tattered, torn and stitched-up patchwork quilt of a heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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